In an actual war, to be attacked means to have our survival threatened. Thus, we might choose between surrender, withdrawal, or counterattack.
When we feel attacked (criticized or judged) by others in conversation, we often move into that same kind of survival mentality and automatically defend ourselves. But conversation is different than war. When we defend against criticism, we give more power to the criticism and the person dishing it out than is warranted.
I think we often ward off criticism far too soon, discarding anything that is valid, as well as what is invalid. The person's words may hurt, but they will hurt less, I think, if we ask questions, decide which pieces we agree with (if any) and which ones we don't agree with.
We can just think about it, we don't have to fight it as if we were being attacked with a lethal weapon.
I watch people's self-esteem increase simply from becoming less defensive in the face of criticism and judgment. Besides, we may find a priceless gem in with some junk.
No comments:
Post a Comment