Thursday, September 29, 2011
Become less self absorbed
A person who is self-absorbed takes him or herself extremely seriously. They value their own time – but no one else’s. They are usually quite selfish with their time, love, and money, in addition to lacking compassion for those less fortunate.
Self-absorbed people are arrogant and often treat others as instruments or objects to get something they want. They usually see only one point of view – their own. They are right, and everyone else is wrong, unless, of course, you agree with them.
People who are self-absorbed can be rude, insensitive to the feelings of others, and primarily interested in themselves – their own wants, needs, and desires.
Being self-absorbed is an ugly human quality. Beyond that, being self-absorbed is highly stressful – everything bothers or frustrates them. It seems that nothing is ever good enough.
Self-absorbed people often have very poor learning curves. Since they don’t listen well and aren’t interested in other people, they don’t have the advantage of learning from them.
Become less self absorbed!
Domain knowledge is very important
There was a family with one kid. One day the mother was out and dad was in charge of the kid who just turned three.
Someone had given the kid a little 'tea set' as a birthday gift and it was one of his favorite toys. Dad was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when kid brought dad a little cup of 'tea', which was just water.
After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea from father, kid's mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch the kid bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!!'
Mom waited, and sure enough, the kid comes down the hall with a cup of tea for daddy and she watches him drink it up, then she says to him, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet??'
....Mother knows!!
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Domain knowledge is very important!!!
Else your supplier will trick you......
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Take both praise and criticism evenly
It’s great to get praise, but I seldom get overly excited about it and jump up and down shouting enthusiastically.When you receive the opposite – negative criticism – you can often observe it calmly without too much wild, negative emotions blocking the way. And you can often appreciate that piece of criticism too (if there is something to learn from it).
Basically this mindset is about not caring too much about what other people think. If you do then you easily become pretty needy and let others control how you feel. Both how good and bad you feel.
So you move from depending on external validation to depending more on internal validation. You validate yourself more and more and then you need less of outside validation. Don’t take this too far though. Don’t become that arrogant person who never listens to criticism no matter how valid it might be.
If there is nothing to be learned from some piece of criticism you received or it’s just nonsense ravings and insults then with this mindset you just go: “Ok”. You don’t care that much and you quickly forget about it. Instead of spending the rest of the day being angry, sad and riled up.
Shifting into this mindset isn’t always easy. You can slip quite a bit. But if you learn more about your mind – especially about your ego – this understanding gives you more control over your reactions and knee-jerk responses.
Learn to say ‘NO’ without guilt
One of the ways that many of us get ourselves into trouble is that we commit to too many things; we fail to say no.
Saying no without guilt is not selfish – it’s a protective necessity. If someone said to you, “Can I have the air you breathe?” you’d probably question their sanity. You certainly wouldn’t feel guilty saying no. Yet if someone says, “Can I ask you to do something for me that will push you over the edge and make you feel stressed out and resentful?”, there are many times that you’ll agree either out of habit, obligation, or simply guilt. Sure, the person probably didn’t phrase the request like that, but in reality, that’s what is being asked of you.
Obviously there are many times that we can’t say no, and many other times when it‘s in our best interest to say yes or that we simply want to say yes. Terrific! The trick is to use our wisdom, instead of old knee-jerk reactions, to decide when to say yes and when to say no.
The key is to be reflective and to ask yourself, “All things considered – e.g., the feelings and needs of the person making the request, the need to say yes, and most importantly my own sanity, is it in my best interest to say yes, or is it okay to refuse? I think you’ll discover that, put in this perspective; there are probably many instances when it’s perfectly fine to say no.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Power of Association
There are two parts to influence: First, influence is powerful; and second, influence is subtle. You wouldn't let someone push you off course, but you might let someone nudge you off course and not even realize it. Attitude is greatly shaped by influence and association.Don't spend most of your time on the voices that don't count. Tune out the shallow voices so that you will have more time to tune in the valuable ones. "No" puts distance between you and the wrong influence.
You must constantly ask yourself these questions: "Who am I around?" "What are they doing to me?" "What have they got me reading?" "What have they got me saying?" "Where do they have me going?" "What do they have me thinking?" And, most important, "What do they have me becoming?" Then ask yourself the big question: "Is that OK?"
Don't join an easy crowd; you won't grow. Go where the expectations and the demands to perform are high.
Some people you can afford to spend a few minutes with, but not a few hours.Get around people who have something of value to share with you. Their impact will continue to have a significant effect on your life.
Being completely absorbed in the moment
So much of the stress that we experience has to do with our minds being in too many places at the same time.
When you have a strong presence you are completely absorbed in the moment and the people you are with sense that you are truly “right there” with them, fully present. Your mind isn’t drifting somewhere else. Instead, you are focused on what’s going on and you are truly listening to what is being said. All of your energy is focused on the person who is talking to you.
Being present eases our stress because our minds are drawn back to this particular moment, fully attentive to the task at hand. We begin to operate at an optimal mental pace with near perfect concentration. Although we are working smarter and more effectively, we become calmer and more relaxed.
Our stress is further reduced because of the increased enjoyment we experience. It’s difficult to experience genuine satisfaction when your mind is too busy, scattered here and there, thinking about three or four things at once. Yet when your mind is focused, when you are fully present and engaged, your world comes alive. Every day, ordinary experiences are seen in a new light.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
This too shall pass
Once a king called upon all of his wise men and asked them, "Is there a suggestion which works in every situation, in every circumstance, in every place and in every time. All wise men got puzzled by the king’s question. After a lengthy discussion, an old man suggested something which appealed to all of them. They went to the king and gave him something written on paper. But the condition was that king was not to see it out of curiosity. Only in
extreme danger, when the king finds himself alone and there seems to be no way, only then he’ll have to see it. The king put the paper under his diamond ring.After a few days, the neighbors attacked the kingdom. It was a surprise attack by the king’s enemies. The king and his army fought bravely but lost the battle. The king fled on his horse with the enemies following him. His horse took him far away in the jungle.He could hear many troops of horses following him and the sound was coming closer and closer. Suddenly the king found himself standing at the end of the road. Underneath there was a rocky valley thousand feet deep. The sound of the enemy’s horses was approaching fast. The king became restless. There seemed to be no way.
Then suddenly he saw the diamond in his ring shining in the sun, and he remembered the message hidden in the ring. He opened the diamond and read the message. The message was very small but very great. The message was – "This too will pass."The king read it. Again read it. Suddenly something struck him- Yes! It too will pass. Only a few days ago, I was enjoying my kingdom. I was the mightiest of all the kings. Yet today, the kingdom and all my pleasures have gone. I am here trying to escape from enemies. However when those days of luxuries have gone, this day of danger too will pass. He became calm. After a few minutes king realized that the noise of the horses and the enemy coming was receding. They moved into some other part of the mountains.The king was very brave. He reorganized his army and fought again. He defeated the enemy and regained his lost empire. When he returned to his empire after victory, he was received with much fan fare. The whole capital was rejoicing in the victory. Everyone was in a festive mood. Flowers were being thrown on the king from every house, from every corner. People were dancing and singing. For a moment king said to himself, "I am one of the bravest and greatest king. It is not easy to defeat me." With all the reception and celebration he saw an ego emerging in him. Suddenly the diamond of his ring flashed in the sunlight and reminded him of the message. He opened it and read it again: "This too will pass" He became silent. His face went through a total change -from the egoist he moved to a state of utter humbleness. If this too is going to pass, it is not yours. The defeat was not yours, the victory is not yours. You are just a watcher. Everything passes by. We are witness of all this. Life comes and goes. Happiness comes and goes. Sorrow comes and goes.
Sit silently and evaluate your own life. Think of the moments of joy and victory in your life. Think of the moment of sorrow and defeat. Are they permanent? They all come and pass away. Life just passes away. There were friends in the past. They have gone. There are friends today. They too will go. There will be new friends tomorrow. They too will go. There were enemies in the past. They have gone. There may be enemies in the present. They too will go. There will be new enemies tomorrow and they too will go.
Sit silently and evaluate your own life. Think of the moments of joy and victory in your life. Think of the moment of sorrow and defeat. Are they permanent? They all come and pass away. Life just passes away. There were friends in the past. They have gone. There are friends today. They too will go. There will be new friends tomorrow. They too will go. There were enemies in the past. They have gone. There may be enemies in the present. They too will go. There will be new enemies tomorrow and they too will go.
Beyond Darwinism
We living entities are innumerable; there is no limit to our number. God, however, is one. He is also living, as we are but we are minute particles of that living force. For example, a particle of gold is the same in quality as a gold mine. If we chemically analyze the ingredients in a small drop of water, we will find all of the ingredients that are to be found in the vast ocean. In a similar way, we are one with God, being His part and parcel. This godly particle, the soul, or the living force, is transmigrating from aquatics to trees and plants and then from trees and plants to insect life, then to reptile life, then to the bodies of birds and beasts. Darwin's theory of evolution is but a partial explanation of the transmigration of the soul. The difference is that the soul is transmigrating from aquatic life to plants and trees, then to insect life, then to bird life, then animal life, then human life, and within human life he moves from uncivilized life to civilized life, etc. The civilized life of a human being represents the culmination of evolution. Here is a junction: from this point we can again slide down into the cyclic process of evolution, or we can elevate ourselves to a godly life. The choice is up to us. This is indicated in the Bhagavad-Gita.
This human form of life actually means developed consciousness; therefore we should not waste our lives like cats, dogs, and hogs. That is the injunction. Although this body is perishable like a dog's or cat's body, it is different in that one can attain the highest perfection in this life. We are part and parcel of God, but somehow or other we have fallen into this material existence; now we have to evolve in such a way that we can go back home, back to Godhead. That is the highest perfection.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Spiritual; Not Religious
Spirit is undying (eternal), internal and God’s fingerprint. Religion is temporary, external and man’s concoction. The Vedas teach “Sanatan Dharma” which eclipses religion and can restore the eternal soul to its pure original condition.
The impersonalists have come up with yet another catchy formula to bolster up their own radically independent concepts of what “Spirituality” consists of. The latest euphemism for promoting ones’ own hybrid version of “Do It Yourself Religion” is to declare yourself “Spiritual; NOT Religious.”
If you punch this three words string into your favorite search engine you will discover a plethora of commentary and videos on this new-age mantra. There you will find several serious attempts to explain just exactly what it means when someone says they are “Spiritual; Not Religious.”
One of the most common themes in those explanations is that “Spiritual” is concerned with the spirit, (Which is Cool,) while “Religious” implies a reference to a boring, dogmatic, ritualistically entrenched church. (This assertion also implies that the Church has nothing to do with spirit… which is Un-Cool!)
There are various ways people justify their independent concepts of what consists of a transcendent lifestyle. To simply declare oneself “Spiritual; Not Religious” has become one of the most popular ways to do that. What makes all this hyperbole so attractive is that virtually all these explanations share the common fact that they remove the individual out of any peer accountability or commitment to a structured form of discipline. In this way even the word “Spiritually” becomes perverted to fit into the idea that “I Am Perfect & Divine Just the Way I am” and the “It’s all about me” mentality.
Hard core Mayavadis who promote this line of thinking are starting to appear all over the Western world. They may follow their own made up routines and dub them as spiritual, but there is usually little or no connection to what the Vedas recommend as spiritually beneficial. “Spiritualists” might engage in any combination of: Lighting ceremonial candles; positioning crystals; practicing some type of daily physical stretching; burning sage; or ritualistically focus on some aspect of ones anatomy such as the breath; the third eye; the heartbeat; or the resurgence of one’s own ever erupting thoughts. But what is the purpose behind these made-up cherished rituals?
It is not uncommon to find that the do it yourself spiritualists will often elevate the consumption of wine, tobacco, hallucinogenics, sex, and even anger, rage, sloth or greed into what they declare are legitimate rituals for enhancing one’s own spiritual evolution. These “Spiritualists” feel they are above the fact that virtually all bona-fide scriptures, and the behavior and comments of respective sages from all traditions, clearly eschew these traits as potentially lethal to the effort of an aspiring transcendentalist. Those who are only able to fanaticize about how spiritual their beer, cigarettes and other personal foibles are will naturally shun institutions who challenge the foolishness of their own ill formed conclusions.
In extreme cases the “Spiritual but not Religious” folks will even dismisses any form of yoga, meditation, sadhana, or sacred scripture as completely irrelevant to their spiritual development. Those folks insist that all one needs to do is just “Be”. They are the ones who love to remind us that we are referred to as Human “Beings,” not Human “Doings.” Very cute. Isn’t it? The prevalence of this little ditty is yet another way the less serious student will justify their own spiritual immaturity.
The idea of being “Spiritual but NOT Religious” is as absurd as claiming one is:
Perfect but NOT Practiced:
Fit but NOT Exercised;
Healthy but NOT Well Fed;
Wise but NOT Learned;
Stable but NOT Reliable;
Clean but NOT Well Groomed;
Responsible but NOT Law Abiding;
Trustworthy but NOT Honest;
Talented but NOT Accomplished;
In each of these cases the accolades of the first term are sought without following the process required by the second term to actually achieve them. A person can declare themselves any way the wish, but no matter how “Respectable” one declares themselves to be, if they are “…NOT well Mannered” they are simply deluding themselves.
The point is that if one is unwilling to voluntarily accept the structure of good training and discipline, then it is ridiculous to expect that one will automatically become a respected in any discipline regardless of if they aspire to be an athlete, musician, scientist, craftsman, or “Spiritualist” etc.
Training and discipline from a senior mentor is so essential in regards to everything we do that even Lord Krishna, Lord Ramachandra, and Lord Chaitanya all attended spiritual training in the school of their own spiritual master known as the gurukula. Krishna specifically states in the Gita that He sets this standard Himself, very intentionally, so everyone will follow his example:
yad yad acarati sresthas tat tad evetaro janah
sa yat pramanam kurute lokas tad anuvartate
sa yat pramanam kurute lokas tad anuvartate
“Whatever action is performed by a great man, common men follow in his footsteps. And whatever standards he sets by exemplary acts, all the world pursues.” (BG 3. 21)
So the bottom line is we can prance around and tell everyone how we are aspiring to “Be Spiritual” without “Doing Religion” but the only people who will respect these type of cute play on words are the less discretionary folks who stand for nothing and are willing to accept anything. They are the same people who think “Non-Judgment is a symptom of spiritual maturity or that surrender means to the “NOW!” Both of these concepts are more myths promoted by the New age movement specifically designed to rationalize why they need not engage their own God given intelligence to seek out and surrender to a properly trained guru who is actually capable of dispelling the darkness of ignorance with the torchlight of flawless Vedic knowledge.
Real Awakening
What is spiritual life? Complete freedom. And an eternal, blissful life full of knowledge. That is spiritual life—a life distinct from material life, which is based on the bodily concept. Spiritual life means an eternal, blissful life of knowledge, while material life means a non-permanent, miserable life full of ignorance.
The body is impermanent, and it is always full of miserable conditions. There is no blissfulness in the material world; we are always suffering some kind of distress. Simply we have to chant the Hare Krishna mantra. It is not very difficult. And if we chant this mantra, our heart will gradually be cleansed and we will understand spiritual life in Krishna consciousness. The whole problem is that due to material association our consciousness is now contaminated; therefore we cannot understand spiritual life. But if we take advantage of chanting the Hare Krishna mantra, our heart will gradually be cleansed and we shall be able to understand, "I am not my body: I am a spiritual soul." Then real awakening will come.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Perfect Understanding
If a boy wants to know who his father is, the simple process is to ask his mother. The mother will then say, "He is your father." This is the way of perfect knowledge. Of course, one may speculate about one's father, wondering if this is the man or if that is the man, and one may wander over the whole city, asking, "Are you my father? Are you my father?" The knowledge derived from such a process, however, will always remain imperfect. One will never find his father in this way. The simple process is to take the knowledge from an authority—in this case, the mother. She simply says, "My dear boy, here is your father." In this way our knowledge is perfect. Transcendental knowledge is similar. Spiritual world is not subject to our speculation. God says, "There is a spiritual world, and that is My headquarters" In this way we receive knowledge from Krishna, the best authority. We may not be perfect, but our knowledge is perfect because it is received from the perfect source.
Although the understanding of God is a difficult subject, God explains Himself in the Bhagavad-gita. He says, "I am like this, and I am like this. The material nature is like this, and the spiritual nature is like that. The living entities are like this, and the Supreme Soul is like that." Thus everything is completely described in the Bhagavad-gita. Although understanding God is very difficult, it is not difficult when God Himself gives us His own knowledge. Actually that is the only process by which we can understand God. To understand God by our own speculation is not possible, for God is unlimited and we are limited. Our knowledge and perception are both very limited, so how can we understand the unlimited? If we simply accept the version of the unlimited, we can come to understand Him. That understanding is our perfection.t taxes will seem irrelevant!
Never ever let success go to your head
There’s an alarming trend taking place: People who have had some degree of good fortune and success tend to lose their humility and become at least slightly arrogant. This is very unfortunate for many reasons. First, and most obviously, no one really wants to be around someone who is arrogant. It’s boring, and it’s annoying! Arrogance implies a lack of gratitude. The assumption is, “I did this all by myself; it’s all about me.” Factors such as Lord’s blessings, good fortune, and so on are forgotten or disregarded.
In addition, when you allow success to go to your head, your stress levels skyrocket and your quality of life gradually disappears. People will stop liking you, and eventually, you’ll stop liking yourself.
Friendships slip away; obsessive busyness and a lack of time take over. Someone who was happy and relatively easy to please is now impossible to satisfy.
I’ve read articles about celebrities, athletes, and business people who have done really well – their talent, timing, hard work, luck, and all the rest of it kicked in at just the right time. Yet, rather than being grateful and keeping a sense of perspective, they think that they are somehow better or more important than others simply because they’re good at something and have enjoyed some success.
Never ever let success go to your head!
Avoid the trap of reaction spirals
It’s a rare person who can avoid the trap of reaction spirals. This is the dangerous tendency to overreact to something – and then compound the problem by over analyzing it. Here is a typical example: someone criticizes some aspect of your work. You overreact to the criticism and become defensive. Then you spend the next half hour analyzing the critical comments, convincing yourself they are incorrect. A whirlwind of thoughts passes through your mind. You focus on the criticism. The more you do, the worse you feel, and the more tired you become.
The truth is, in a negative state of mind, we expend unnecessary energy, make very poor decisions, and lose our creativity and sense of joy. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you could nip these reaction spirals in the bud?
You can! The trick is to see them coming and to commit, in advance, to “short circuiting” them. With every negative reaction comes a negative feeling – a feeling of irritation, annoyance, or impatience. We often use these feelings to justify further negativity. For example, we say to ourselves something like, “I have a right to be angry.” Now that we’re focused on our anger, we think about other instances that make us angry, and so on. This fuels our negative feelings and creates a negative spiral.
If, instead of compounding our negative feelings, we used them as a signal to alert us to potential trouble, we would be in a much better position to stop the cycle before it got out of hand.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Why is accepting criticism so difficult?
Here are some of the top reasons:
Other people do not know how to criticize properly. Most people criticize in such a way that makes us very emotional.
However, we know that we cannot control how other people express themselves, but we can control how we internally respond to their criticism. We often take it too personally. We must remember that it is our actions or performance that is really being criticized and not us. We fail to put criticism in perspective. If you have created a work of art that thousands of people admire, and a few express dislike, realize that you cannot please all of the people all of the time. It is true that for every one person who criticizes, there are probably ten more that feel the same way, but even with these numbers your work or performance is being enjoyed by the majority.
We fear failure. Benjamin Franklin did not always have good inventions, and Schwarzenegger certainly does not always make great movies. Our fear of failure, rather than acceptance of it, causes us to often deny the truth or at least be blinded by our own ego. When criticism is just, we must accept it graciously, learn from it, and move on. Critics often expect harsh reactions to their criticism, probably because that is the way most people respond. Not successful people. Shock your critics by thanking them for their feedback and if you choose to accept the criticism, share with them what way you plan on using their criticism.
Ousting Differences
God is the Father of all species and forms of life. Besides that, we take this body as a dress. For example, your white shirt is not you. You are different from the white shirt. Similarly, one may have a body, white or black, but he, as spirit soul, is different from the body. Now, we are taking account of the person who is possessing the dress—not the dress but the person. I am talking with you; I am not talking with your shirt. I don’t look to see whether you have put on a white shirt or black shirt. That is not my concern. I am concerned with you as a living being. This is our philosophy. We don’t take account of the outward shirt and coat. This body, this gross body, is just like a coat, and within this gross body there is a subtle body—mind, intelligence and ego. Within that subtle body, the spirit soul is there. And we are trying to deliver the spirit soul from these two kinds of entanglement, subtle and gross. That is our mission. National and religious movements are more or less on the basis of the outward dress. One is Christian because he is born of a Christian father. Is it not? One is American because he is born in the land of America. We say that we are neither Christian nor American, Hindu, Muslim or Indian. We are eternal servants of God. Try to understand this fact and mold your life in this way; then your life will be successful. This is our program. Simple.
A really educated man does not look over the fleshy tabernacle of a living being but he introspects the spirit within the body. A sane man does not see the dress of another man but he sees the man of whom dress is a covering only.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Dealing with incompetence
Like so many things, incompetence seems to be represented by a bell shaped curve. There is always going to be a small percentage of people who are near the top, most people will fall somewhere near the middle, and a few will lie toward the bottom.
A few people in each field will be really good, most will be sort of average, and there will always be a few that make you wonder how in the world they manage to make a living.Many people complain about incompetence, are bothered by it, discuss its rampant trend with others, and spend valuable time and energy hoping and wishing it would go away. I’ve seen people so upset about obvious incompetence that I thought they might have a heart attack or a nervous breakdown. Instead of seeing it as a necessary evil, they get all worked up, often compound the problem with their harsh reaction, and bang their head against the wall in frustration. In the end, nothing was accomplished except that the frustrated person had an emotional meltdown and made himself look bad.In no way am I saying it’s pleasant to deal with incompetence, but if you want to avoid feeling so irritated, it’s important that you stop being so surprised and caught off guard by it. It’s helpful to understand that some degree of incompetence is about as predictable as an occasional rainy day.The next time you run into incompetence, even if it’s deliberate, see if you can make the best of it, rectify the situation if possible, and then go on with your day.
Freedom from hankering, lamentation and fear
The grace of the Lord is abhaya, free from fearfulness. The benediction of the Lord is never to be lost. It is simply to be enjoyed. One simply gains and enjoys gaining. Bhagavad-gita also confirms this: when one achieves the grace of the Lord, the result is that all distresses are destroyed. When situated in the transcendental position, one is freed from the two kinds of material diseases—hankering and lamentation. Lamentation is for loss, and hankering is for gain. Hankering means, “I have no money, but if I get a million dollars, then I'll be happy." And when we have a million dollars, somehow it will be lost. So lamentation, "Oh, I have lost it!" So both hankering and lamentation are distresses. If someone accumulates a million dollars, he is always full of fear thinking, "What if the money is lost?" When one is situated in his own spiritual consciousness, then he will have no hankering and no lamentation. If we know that Krishna is the source and proprietor of the entire material energy, we understand that everything belongs to Him and that anything gained is given by Him for His service. Thus we do not hanker for the things of this world. Furthermore, if something is taken away by Krishna, then what is the need for lamentation? We should think, "Krishna wanted to take it away from me. Therefore, why should I lament? The Supreme Lord is the cause of all causes. He takes away, He also gives." When one is thus in full knowledge, there is no more lamentation and no more hankering. That is the spiritual platform. This is the best education, by which you become anxiety-less. That is perfection of education.
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